Jerry Friedman
2015-09-15 05:27:17 UTC
The parody that Tristan Miller found caused me to write this, which I
hope you enjoy:
A Re-Examination of /The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings/.
In the midst of the rejoicing at the long-delayed end of the Telcontar
dynasty and the beginning of a more just political system in ArGondor,
the time is ripe for a new look at the famous manuscript entitled /The
Downfall of the Lord of the Rings and the Return of the King/
(hereafter /The Downfall/, attributed to "Frodo Baggins", with
additions and commentary by other "hobbits".
There is no need to go over the claim, known to everyone with the
slightest interest in history, that the manuscript is a copy made in
Minas Tirith in about the year 170. We must remark, though, that in
some ways the anonymous author seems to have been remarkably prescient
about the improvements that would supersede the Empire, and concerned
to criticize them. The Ents are sentimentalized in ways that support
our misguided "anti-flamethrower corps" who would rather see the Ents
useless than laboring for the commonweal in the forest-products
industry. And the villainous "Gatherers and Sharers" of the Shire
closely resemble those whose role is at the epicenter of our prosperity.
One cannot help wondering whether the manuscript dates to the much
later time when these issues surfaced.
And what is known of the supposed author of the lost original? In a
word, nothing whatever beyond this manuscript itself! Records from the
reign of Elessar I contain a few fragmentary references to "Frodo" and
the other "hobbits". Of course, there is no doubt that Elessar forbade
men, his own people, from the region called the "Shire", which
undoubtedly exists between Luneport and the Archet Metropolitan Area.
But now that such antiquated laws have been swept away as by a tempest
and we have free reign to enter, how strange that no unbiased observer
from the enlightened new government ever sees hobbits/halflings
/Periannath, and the only reports of them come from reactionary rustics
no more notable for sobriety than for veracity--and how convenient that
the hobbits are said to be able to avoid detection by men! No one in
progressive circles will admit to believing in "hobbits" any more.
The theme of convenience mentioned above will sprout up in our
understanding of the text like the hobbits' favorite mushrooms. But
convenience for what? For what the most original and profound scholars
of our time have called the "Telcontar Myth". To summarize their work
briefly, it is clear that Elessar I and Eldarion I consolidated their
rule by creating a myth of themselves as destined to rule and favored
by nebulous supernatural powers. The notion is as pervasive in /The
Downfall/ as are grey mists. Elessar, alias Aragorn, alias Strider,
alias Longshanks, is recognized by all as the rightful king--without
the slightest evidence. Yes, he has a genealogy in the apocryphal
commentary, but nothing backing it up, not even the names of the kings'
and chieftains' wives. The characters (to use the exact word) in /The
Downfall/ know it only from his boasts. As it is clear that running
an efficient society requires thorough written records about
everyone--e.g. birth, citizenship, marriage, guild membership, medical
history, financial history, political activity, antisocial activity,
etc.--we may dismiss the notion that a far more important claim would
be be accepted undocumented; indeed, dismiss it as swiftly as we do
undocumented Southrons.
Elessar's claim seems to have rested largely on his /manner/, as if he
were an actor, but no such manner is documented about any king in
living memory or for whom reliable records exist. Even his manner
cannot explicate why his rival, the steward Faramir, accepts the claim
on first seeing him--but what is clear is the convenience for Elessar
of that mystical acceptance. Equally convenient are the death of the
heir Boromir, who looked to have the gumption to oppose a usurper, and
the suicide of the previous steward, Denethor, who certainly would
have. (The anonymous author's fount of inspiration appears to have run
bone-dry here, as that suicide relies on the same device as did the
treason of the rather sympathetic "wizard" Saruman.) Archeology and a
close reading of the text may yet illuminate the political infighting
by which Elessar cleared his path to the throne.
We have not yet mentioned the imaginary elements of the story, including
Balrogs, tentacled Watchers, giant spiders, a sentient willow tree, an
ectoplasmic grave-dweller characters who extemporize mediocre verse,
and the unreliable but charming hobbit Gollum with his impossible
glowing eyes. Many of these elements, such as the magic rings, the
elf-lords, and the wizard who might best be called "Mythrandir", if the
reader will pardon the jest, sail away conveniently (again!) to explain
why we have no evidence of them now. Likewise the claim that Arwen,
Elessar's consort, was an elf princess--a claim that bulwarked the
Telcontars' special status--would be somewhat more plausible if she had
lived for centuries after his death, but her death the year after
Elessar's belies that she is human.
The evidence should convince anyone whose mind is not as closed as the
Black Gate. /The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings/ is imperialist
propaganda that may or may not have any value as literature, but has
none as history. We may hope that its legal status will soon be
clarified, but in the meantime, patriotic ArGondoreans will approach it
with the greatest care, if at all.
hope you enjoy:
A Re-Examination of /The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings/.
In the midst of the rejoicing at the long-delayed end of the Telcontar
dynasty and the beginning of a more just political system in ArGondor,
the time is ripe for a new look at the famous manuscript entitled /The
Downfall of the Lord of the Rings and the Return of the King/
(hereafter /The Downfall/, attributed to "Frodo Baggins", with
additions and commentary by other "hobbits".
There is no need to go over the claim, known to everyone with the
slightest interest in history, that the manuscript is a copy made in
Minas Tirith in about the year 170. We must remark, though, that in
some ways the anonymous author seems to have been remarkably prescient
about the improvements that would supersede the Empire, and concerned
to criticize them. The Ents are sentimentalized in ways that support
our misguided "anti-flamethrower corps" who would rather see the Ents
useless than laboring for the commonweal in the forest-products
industry. And the villainous "Gatherers and Sharers" of the Shire
closely resemble those whose role is at the epicenter of our prosperity.
One cannot help wondering whether the manuscript dates to the much
later time when these issues surfaced.
And what is known of the supposed author of the lost original? In a
word, nothing whatever beyond this manuscript itself! Records from the
reign of Elessar I contain a few fragmentary references to "Frodo" and
the other "hobbits". Of course, there is no doubt that Elessar forbade
men, his own people, from the region called the "Shire", which
undoubtedly exists between Luneport and the Archet Metropolitan Area.
But now that such antiquated laws have been swept away as by a tempest
and we have free reign to enter, how strange that no unbiased observer
from the enlightened new government ever sees hobbits/halflings
/Periannath, and the only reports of them come from reactionary rustics
no more notable for sobriety than for veracity--and how convenient that
the hobbits are said to be able to avoid detection by men! No one in
progressive circles will admit to believing in "hobbits" any more.
The theme of convenience mentioned above will sprout up in our
understanding of the text like the hobbits' favorite mushrooms. But
convenience for what? For what the most original and profound scholars
of our time have called the "Telcontar Myth". To summarize their work
briefly, it is clear that Elessar I and Eldarion I consolidated their
rule by creating a myth of themselves as destined to rule and favored
by nebulous supernatural powers. The notion is as pervasive in /The
Downfall/ as are grey mists. Elessar, alias Aragorn, alias Strider,
alias Longshanks, is recognized by all as the rightful king--without
the slightest evidence. Yes, he has a genealogy in the apocryphal
commentary, but nothing backing it up, not even the names of the kings'
and chieftains' wives. The characters (to use the exact word) in /The
Downfall/ know it only from his boasts. As it is clear that running
an efficient society requires thorough written records about
everyone--e.g. birth, citizenship, marriage, guild membership, medical
history, financial history, political activity, antisocial activity,
etc.--we may dismiss the notion that a far more important claim would
be be accepted undocumented; indeed, dismiss it as swiftly as we do
undocumented Southrons.
Elessar's claim seems to have rested largely on his /manner/, as if he
were an actor, but no such manner is documented about any king in
living memory or for whom reliable records exist. Even his manner
cannot explicate why his rival, the steward Faramir, accepts the claim
on first seeing him--but what is clear is the convenience for Elessar
of that mystical acceptance. Equally convenient are the death of the
heir Boromir, who looked to have the gumption to oppose a usurper, and
the suicide of the previous steward, Denethor, who certainly would
have. (The anonymous author's fount of inspiration appears to have run
bone-dry here, as that suicide relies on the same device as did the
treason of the rather sympathetic "wizard" Saruman.) Archeology and a
close reading of the text may yet illuminate the political infighting
by which Elessar cleared his path to the throne.
We have not yet mentioned the imaginary elements of the story, including
Balrogs, tentacled Watchers, giant spiders, a sentient willow tree, an
ectoplasmic grave-dweller characters who extemporize mediocre verse,
and the unreliable but charming hobbit Gollum with his impossible
glowing eyes. Many of these elements, such as the magic rings, the
elf-lords, and the wizard who might best be called "Mythrandir", if the
reader will pardon the jest, sail away conveniently (again!) to explain
why we have no evidence of them now. Likewise the claim that Arwen,
Elessar's consort, was an elf princess--a claim that bulwarked the
Telcontars' special status--would be somewhat more plausible if she had
lived for centuries after his death, but her death the year after
Elessar's belies that she is human.
The evidence should convince anyone whose mind is not as closed as the
Black Gate. /The Downfall of the Lord of the Rings/ is imperialist
propaganda that may or may not have any value as literature, but has
none as history. We may hope that its legal status will soon be
clarified, but in the meantime, patriotic ArGondoreans will approach it
with the greatest care, if at all.
--
Jerry Friedman
Jerry Friedman